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(Updated December 13, 2006)
Testimonials
"I've been meaning to thank you because I actually used the 2000 edition of "Lu on Engagement Rings" to get me started on the ring search. It gave me confidence to get one over the net and saved me a lot of time getting up to speed. . . . I easily saved 50% over walking into Tiffany's. "
-- M.R., in California
"I, too, can vouch for the guide -- I'm telling you, Chris, there's got to be a magazine or website that would pay for it. Or you could self-publish."
-- P.W. in D.C.
“Coming into the engagement ring process, I was completely ignorant. This guide was unbelievably helpful in teaching me what I needed to know, and helping me find the sort of ring I couldn’t possibly have afforded without it. Thanks, I owe you one!”
--CT in D.C.
Introduction
There will be many people giving you lots of advice on how to buy a ring. Most of them have a vested interest in your decision (i.e., your girlfriend, the jewelry salesman, DeBeers, your annoying friend who knows someone in the Diamond District). You should take it all with a grain of salt, particularly anything that a jewelry store salesman tells you. The key is to learn as much as possible. This is like buying a car – only more important (after all, a car only lasts you a couple of years). You wouldn’t buy a car without reading Consumer Reports, taking it for a test drive, or asking friends, would you? Plus, your girlfriend/fianceé/wife is more important than a car – or at least let’s hope so. If not, I can refer you to a good divorce lawyer.
I wrote this guide based on my exhaustive research when I bought my wife's diamond ring. She was (and still is) thrilled with her ring, and I didn't have to mortgage my house to do it. I had accumulated so much information that I thought it was only appropriate that I share this with others. So here it is. I receive no money from any of the Internet retailers that I've referenced. I'm only doing this because I'm interested in helping other men through this stressful process.
For now, forget the four C’s. Here’s my step-by-step guide to buying a ring. By the way, even if you don’t need this advice now, save it, because you’ll probably need it at some point in your life.
MY GENERAL PHILOSOPHY TO BUYING A DIAMOND
My approach to buying a diamond is based on three central themes:
First, never, ever buy a diamond in a jewelry store; you can always find a bigger and better ring on the Internet for less money.
Second, there is no market for used diamonds (i.e., diamonds from divorces or deaths). So, unless you really are creeped out by bad karma, you should consider buying a used diamond because you'll get a great deal. And frankly, if you believe in bad karma, you really shouldn't be buying a diamond anyway; just do some reading on how diamonds are mined and what they're used to finance. (True story: a friend of mine got divorced after only about a year of marriage. She put her nearly flawless ring on consignment at a D.C. jewelry store. She couldn't get rid of it, even though the price was about half of its appraisal.)
Third, all women care about is the size of the diamond. Believe me, they will never brag to their friends about the 4Cs.
Now that you know my philosophy, here are the nuts and bolt about how to do this:
1) Cost – Okay, this is not the most romantic thing to think of first, but don’t worry – your fianceé isn’t with you right now. It’s just you and your wallet.
a) Figure out how much you can spend. Forget DeBeers’ stupid formula about two or three months salary. (I could never even figure out if this was gross or net.) Be realistic in your spending. Don’t get a second mortgage on the house. Don’t sell your car. Just figure out how much you can reasonably scrape together. And please, err on the side of spending more. You can never go wrong being a bit extravagant.
b) Whatever amount you determine you can spend, add another 25% or so to it. This will make up for our natural frugality.
What you should end up with is something that seems like a lot of money and will hurt a bit, but won’t hurt so much that you can’t afford to eat.
There are no standard formulas of how much rings cost. But, generally you can get a nice loose diamond (excluding the cost of the setting) for $3,000-$4,000, something really nice for $6,000-$7,000 and something breathtaking for $10,000. (Anything over $15,000 is either ridiculously large or you paid too much or you're buying for a second wife.) Of course, these are not retail prices, but the Internet prices I’ll tell you about below.
If you think this is too much money, think about how much you spent on your last car, and that will put it into some perspective.
Caveat: if you’re marrying rich, spend everything. I’m not kidding. The ring may be the only thing you have to buy for the rest of your life, so go all out and break the bank. Plus, you don’t want her parents’ rich friends to laugh at the ring. (One summer, I worked with a woman who came from a lot of money. Her fiance was unemployed and a bit dim-witted, but he was smart enough to spend every penny he had (and then some) to buy a massive ring for her. She was impressed, as were her parents. That was the best investment he ever made. Now, he probably sits around the pool at the country club all day.)
2) What does she want – Now that you’ve figured out how much to spend, what does she want? The most important thing is: does she want a diamond and if so, what shape? If she doesn’t want a diamond, stop reading. I don’t know anything about rubies, sapphires, etc. If she wants something with lots of little baguettes, you should also stop reading, since you’ll need to go to a jeweler to have something custom-made. But, if she wants a diamond solitaire (even if it’s combined with other smaller diamonds), keep reading.
There are several different diamond shapes: round, emerald, princess, marquis, oval, square, etc. Observe how your girlfriend talks about other people’s rings. If you’ve ever discussed getting engaged, she’s probably dropped some hints. Try to remember them.
The other thing to remember is that women know incredibly little about diamonds. They just look at size, shape and setting. They also have no conception of how much diamonds cost. So, just get the basic information from her (diamond or no diamond, and shape), and take it from there.
3) Where to shop – Now that you know what she wants and how much you can spend, you have to know where to shop. Don’t, I repeat, don’t go to a mall jewelry store (e.g., Zales or Kay Jewelers). I also don’t advise you going to a specialty diamond store (e.g., Mervis), although I’ll excuse you if you’re in a real hurry. (They have nice stuff but you’ll pay a lot for it.) Also, don’t bother going to the Diamond District in New York, unless you really know what you’re doing and you’re a good haggler. Use the 20th century’s greatest invention – the Internet.
Having said all this, I do advise that you go to a jewelry store and look at different diamonds, different settings, and especially different sizes. Your girlfriend may have hinted that she wants a 3 ct. diamond, but probably has no idea how big this is. (It’s huge.) You also want to see how different colors and clarity look (more on this below). There’s a pretty big difference between a D colored diamond and a J colored diamond. You will also notice there’s not a big difference between an SI1 and an SI2 diamond.
You also should feel free to go back to the jeweler as you’re shopping on-line and ask him questions. His advice is free, and you should feel free to exploit it. Plus, it’s in his interest to be nice to you. You might take your loose diamond to have him set it.
While a lot of people may disagree with me, I strongly advise against shopping at Tiffany’s. You’ll pay 50% more for the ring, and for what? Slightly better service and a blue box. What a waste. Years from now, who cares where you got it from. And the blue box will have long since been lost. Plus, if you really want the blue box, you can buy one on eBay -- no joke.
4) Alternative places to shop – Before we delve into Internet shopping, you should consider a few alternative places to shop, namely eBay and pawn shops. I know it’s not romantic, but if you know what you’re doing (i.e., always get a GIA certificate), you can get a great deal. Diamond rings, like cars, depreciate very quickly. Needless to say, there’s not a big resale market for diamond rings, so they’re always very cheap.
Plus, your fianceé will never know the difference. You can take the ring to a reputable jeweler, have it cleaned or reset, and it will look like new. (After all, diamonds are pretty indestructible.) They’ll also give you a nice box for it.
If you go this route, this should be a secret you take to your grave.
Some of you may think it's bad karma to buy a second-hand ring. If that's you, consider this: is it worse karma to go broke buying a ring for a marriage that has a 50% chance of ending up in a divorce? Better to hedge your bets, spend less on the ring, and save the rest for the marriage therapy you will probably need someday. And if you really believe in karma, how likely is it that the same second-hand diamond would have so much bad karma that it could lead in two divorces? You've got to figure that a second-hand diamond that you bought at a pawnshop is destined to have one good marriage in it.
Just remember: there's nothing wrong with benefitting from another couple's misfortune. After all, you didn't cause their break-up.
One cautionary note: I'm a big fan of eBay. I bought an anniversary diamond band for my wife on eBay and got a great deal. And while I'm convinced that you can great deals there, the problem is that you can't really examine the diamonds before buying them. You're basically buying a diamond sight unseen, which is a bit of dicey proposition. So, if you go this route, only buy diamonds that have a GIA or EGL certificate. Have the certificate e-mailed or faxed to you before you bid on the item. In contrast, many respectable Internet diamond dealers will send you several diamonds to examine if you provide a credit card and will allow you to return the ones you don't want.
5) Internet – Assuming you don’t want to go on eBay, I suggest you look at several of the very good diamond dealers on-line. I used John Rist, but there are others (some of which have good search engines). A list follows at the end. You can call or e-mail them and ask them questions about their selection. They will also fax or e-mail you certificates, which you can then take to a reputable jeweler to review.
However, you should compare as many Internet sites as possible. Even on the Internet, you’ll notice a wide disparity in prices between dealers.
6) What to look for –
My advice is to buy a loose diamond on the Internet and then have it set locally at a jewelry store. A diamond is a diamond, and within a certain range of color and clarity, they all pretty much look the same. But a great setting (which is hard to tell on the Internet) can redeem an otherwise mediocre diamond.
Here’s what DeBeers says about the four C’s:
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Many people are confused about how diamonds are priced. The best explanation is that asking for the price of a diamond is like asking for the price of a house. A real estate agent can’t quote you a price for a house without knowing its size, condition, location, etc. This process is the same one used when buying a diamond. A diamond’s beauty, rarity, and price depend on the interplay of all the 4Cs—cut, clarity, carat, and color.
The 4Cs are used throughout the world to classify the rarity of diamonds. Diamonds with the combination of the highest 4C ratings are more rare and, consequently, more expensive. No one C is more important than another in terms of beauty and it is important to note that each of the 4Cs will not diminish in value over time.
Once you have established those 4C characteristics that are most important to you, a jeweler can then begin to show you various options with quoted prices.
THE DIAMOND QUALITY PYRAMID
A Tool to Help Understand a Diamond’s Value
The Diamond Quality Pyramid is a framework to help you compare diamonds. While all diamonds are precious, those closest to the top of the pyramid—possessing the best combination of cut, clarity, carat weight and color—are the earth's rarest and most valuable.
CARAT
Refers to the weight of a diamond.
Carat is often confused with size even though it is actually a measure of weight. One carat is equivalent to 200 milligrams. One carat can also be divided into 100 "points." A .75 carat diamond is the same as a 75-points or 3/4 carat diamond.
A 1-carat diamond costs exactly twice the price of a half-carat diamond, right? Wrong. Since larger diamonds are found less frequently in nature, which places them at the rarest level of the Diamond Quality Pyramid, a 1-carat diamond will cost more than twice a ½-carat diamond (assuming color, clarity and cut remain constant).
Cut and mounting can make a diamond appear larger (or smaller) than its actual weight. So shop around and talk to your jeweler to find the right diamond and setting to optimize the beauty of your stone.
CLARITY
Refers to the presence of inclusions in a diamond.
Inclusions are natural identifying characteristics such as minerals or fractures, appearing while diamonds are formed in the earth. They may look like tiny crystals, clouds or feathers.
To view inclusions, jewelers use a magnifying loupe. This tool allows jewelers to see a diamond at 10x its actual size so that inclusions are easier to see. The position of inclusions can affect the value of a diamond. There are very few flawless diamonds found in nature, thus these diamonds are much more valuable.
Inclusions are ranked on a scale of perfection, known as clarity, which was established by the Gemological Institute of America (GIA). The clarity scale, ranging from F (Flawless) to Included (I), is based on the visibility of inclusions at a magnification of 10x.
Some inclusions can be hidden by a mounting, thus having little effect on the beauty of a diamond. An inclusion in the middle or top of a diamond could impact the dispersion of light, sometimes making the diamond less brilliant.
The greater a diamond's clarity, the more brilliant, valuable and rare it is—and the higher it is on the Diamond Quality Pyramid.
COLOR
Refers to the degree to which a diamond is colorless.
Diamonds range in color from icy winter whites to warm summer whites.
Diamonds are graded on a color scale established by the Gemological Institute of America (GIA) which ranges from D (colorless) to Z.
Warmer colored diamonds (K–Z) are particularly desirable when set in yellow gold. Icy winter whites (D–J) look stunning set in white gold or platinum.
Color differences are very subtle and it is very difficult to see the difference between, say, an E and an F. Therefore, colors are graded under controlled lighting conditions and are compared to a master set for accuracy.
Truly colorless stones, graded D, treasured for their rarity, are highest on the Diamond Quality Pyramid. Color, however, ultimately comes down to personal taste. Ask a jeweler to show you a variety of color grades next to one another to help you determine your color preference.
CUT
Refers to the angles and proportions of a diamond.
Based on scientific formulas, a well-cut diamond will internally reflect light from one mirror-like facet to another and disperse and reflect it through the top of the stone. This results in a display of brilliance and fire, thereby placing well-cut diamonds higher on the Diamond Quality Pyramid than deep or shallow-cut diamonds. Diamonds that are cut too deep or too shallow lose or leak light through the side or bottom, resulting in less brilliance and ultimately, value.
Cut also refers to shape—round, square, pear, or heart for example.
Since a round diamond is symmetrical and capable of reflecting nearly all the light that enters, it is the most brilliant of all diamond shapes and follows specific proportional guidelines. Ask a jeweler to find out more about these guidelines.
Non-round shapes, also known as "fancy shapes," will have their own guidelines to be considered well-cut.
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Okay, so that’s what DeBeers says, here’s what I think:
a) Carat – This is without question the most important of the C’s. Your fianceé’s friends will never ask her about the clarity or color (although they may notice them if they’re bad), but without fail, they always want to know the size. There’s only one thing to know: size does matter – bigger is better. The rule is to get as big as you can afford without sacrificing quality too much.
Again, although there are no hard and fast rules, try to buy at least one carat. Your fianceé’s friends will snicker behind her back if you go below that. Anything above 2 carats starts getting ostentatious, but that’s my personal view. Go with whatever hint you’ve picked up from your girlfriend.
Another thing to consider is the size of her fingers. If she has very narrow fingers, one carat will seem large. If she has fat fingers, you may have to go bigger.
In terms of price, don’t be misled into thinking that a one carat diamond is twice as much as a half carat diamond. Because larger diamonds are much rarer, the price increases exponentially with size.
Caveat – Don’t focus exclusively on carat size. A smaller diamond often looks bigger because of the way it’s cut. Consequently, you should always get the dimensions of the ring. A ring that is really deep (i.e., very thick) will seem smaller than a less deep diamond. So, always compare the surface area of different diamonds. That's the better measure of how impressive a diamond will look.
Tip: Diamonds slightly less than 1, 1.5, or 2 are always significantly cheaper, since everyone wants the round number. You can use this to your advantage. Thus, a 0.95 carat diamond will be a much better buy than a 1 carat diamond without any discernible difference. You can tell your wife she has a 1 carat and she’ll never know the difference.
b) Color – Diamonds are graded on a letter scale from D to Z: D, E, and F diamonds have no color detectable to the unaided eye; those graded G, H, I, or J are nearly colorless, but a trained gemologist can detect a slight yellow cast. K through Z colored diamonds have yellow or gray color visible to the unaided eye. Practically speaking, however, only D to J really matters. Anything beyond that is crap.
When you go to different jewelry stores, look at different color diamonds and see if you can tell a difference. Chances are you can’t unless it’s an D compared to a J.
My advice is to avoid D or E. They’re very rare and thus very expensive. F, G, H will look as good and no one will ever notice the difference.
A general thought – as you go through this process, don’t get too hung up on the different letters and numbers. Your fianceé will never ask you about the color and clarity. Chances are that she doesn’t even know what they mean. You can tell her until you’re blue in the face that she has a rare D diamond, but all she will see is the size of the diamond. (Believe me, I've tried to explain all of this to my wife, and she doesn't care.) It goes without saying that you should never show her the GIA certificate or the insurance policy on the ring.
c) Clarity – This is the next most important C. Clarity refers to the flaws in the ring. Again, these are usually microscopic, and assuming that your fianceé doesn’t put the ring under a scope, she’ll never know about this.
Clarity ranges from F (flawless) to I (visible inclusions). Here’s the full scale:
FL, IF – Flawless, internally flawless. No internal flaws.
VVS1, VVS2 – Very, very slight flaws. Very difficult to see flaws under 10x magnification
VS1, VS2 – Very slight flaws. Unable to see inclusions with an unaided eye.
SI1, SI2 - Slight flaws. Easy to see flaws with 10x magnification, but may not see them with unaided eye.
I1, I2, I3 – Flaws that are visible to the unaided eye.
As with color, don’t worry about getting something perfect. You’re never going to find an F or even a VVS1 (very, very small inclusion), so go with a VS or SI. Again, even with an SI2, you can’t see the flaws with the naked eye, which is all you really care about.
Caveat – While an SI diamond is perfectly acceptable and the flaws should not be noticeable to the naked eye, it’s best that the flaw not be near the center of the diamond. Otherwise, the flaw could affect how the diamond sparkles.
Caveat – With certain kinds of diamonds, namely an emerald cut, inclusions are easier to see and can potentially create clouds in the stone, because there are no facets to hide the flaws. If you get an emerald cut, go with a better clarity ring, but skimp on the color.
d) Cut – To be honest, I’ve never understood this C, although it can certainly affect how sparkly the ring is. Cut requires an understanding of depth, table, culet, and girdle. This is far too complicated to explain simply, but there’s a good website that gives the dimensions of a nicely cut diamond: http://www.drostes.com/cut.html#Deep
e) Shape – This is not technically one of the C’s but it’s important to keep in mind. If you’re looking for anything other than a round or square diamond, the length-width ratio of the diamond may be important. For instance, an emerald diamond (rectangular) can be either too long or too short. There’s nothing wrong with a long diamond or a stubby diamond. It’s simply a matter of personal taste.
However, if you want what’s considered a standard looking diamond, here are some standard dimensions:
Marquise – 1.75-2.25 to 1
Emerald – 1.5-1.75 to 1
Pear – 1.5-1.75 to 1
Heart – 1 to 1
Oval – 1.33-1.66 to 1
http://www.diamondgrading.com/Shapes_Emerald.html.
7) How to buy – After you’ve looked at a few websites, pick out a couple possible diamonds. Contact the dealer and have them send you the certificates.
a) Certificates – There are two major type of diamond certificates: GIA and EGL. GIA is the most reputable and the most trustworthy. You’ll notice as you’re shopping that EGL diamonds tend to be a bit cheaper. If you’re looking to saving a buck, you can go with a diamond from EGL, but be warned that the EGL color or clarity ratings might not hold up. Go with GIA to be safe.
b) After you get the certificate – Once you’ve narrowed down to a few possible diamonds, contact the dealer and have them send you the certificates. Examine the certificates and feel free to bring them to a jeweler store to get their thoughts. (When you’re doing this, be sure that the store knows that you’ll bring the diamond to them for setting. They’re more likely to be helpful.)
Once you’ve narrowed down your choice, find out from the dealer what their inspection policy is. Ideally, they’ll send you the diamond (holding it on your credit card), let you examine it for a period of time, and then allow you to return it if you don’t like it. You should take the diamond to a local jeweler for inspection. If you like it, keep it. If not, return it and get another one for inspection.
8) Settings – Once you get the diamond, you have to get it set. Here’s where most guys mess up. Most just have it put into a simple gold setting that completely diminishes the brilliance of the diamond. Alternatively, some guys will put it into a gaudy setting that completely overpowers the diamond. My advice to you is to put as much thought into the setting that you put into the diamond.
Now that you’ve probably made several trips to local jewelers, you’ll have a pretty good sense of who has a good selection of settings. The first big decision is platinum vs. yellow gold vs. white gold. This is strictly a matter of personal preference, although gold is much softer and more likely to be scratched than platinum. Gold, however, is significantly cheaper than platinum. Regarding price, be prepared to spend anywhere from $200 for a simple gold setting to over a $1,000 for a more elaborate platinum setting with side diamonds (baguettes). Most guys never consider the setting price when setting a budget. Don’t make this mistake.
Take your diamond to different jewelers and see which setting will best complement the diamond. If you’re going to get baguettes, make sure they’re of a decent quality (although they don’t have to be as good as the original diamond). Also make sure the size of the baguettes is appropriate for the diamond.
Another important thing which most guys overlook is the width of the band. If your girlfriend has fat fingers, go with a wider band. Likewise, skinnier fingers can do with a more narrow band. However, in deciding the width of the band, you also have to consider the size of the diamond. You don’t want the band to be too wide if you have a small diamond; it will completely overpower the diamond.
9) Appraisal and Insurance – When you get the ring set, ask the jeweler whether he can appraise it for you. This is not as simple as it sounds.
If you purchased your diamond on the Internet, you’re likely to have paid much less for it than if you had bought it at a mall. The appraised value could thus be 20-50% higher than what you paid. While you might think this is a good thing, it’s not.
A higher appraised value means a higher insurance rate. While you might think that it’s better to insure the ring for more than it’s worth, you’re probably wasting your money. Here’s why: if you lose a diamond that you bought for $6,000, the insurance company isn’t going to give you the full appraised value of the diamond (let’s say $10,000). They’re going to look for a comparable diamond, probably at a wholesaler, which will probably cost around $6,000. So, paying for the extra $4,000 in insurance was just a waste of money.
Tell the appraiser how much you paid for the diamond and make sure that the appraisal is closer to your wholesale price rather than the retail price. It’s okay to up the appraised price a little bit to take inflation into account, but I wouldn’t do it by more than 20% or so. Plus, most insurance policies have a standard inflation increase each year.
Insurance varies but it usually costs around $7 or $8 a year per $1,000 in appraised value. Unless you already have a homeowner’s policy with a jewelry rider, you’ll have to purchase a separate policy for the ring. You should make sure that the insurance company has a copy of the GIA certificate, as well as the appraisal.
By all means, get your ring insured as quickly as possible. After all, you wouldn’t drive a new car without auto insurance, would you? (Another true story: a guy I know proposed to his girlfriend on a sailboat, and he forgot to get the ring insured beforehand. Fortunately, there were no mishaps, but imagine both of their reactions if a strong wave had hit at the moment he was proposing and the ring had fallen overboard.)
10) You’re done – Now that you’ve got the ring and it’s insured, keep the appraisal and the certificate in a safe place where your fianceé/wife can’t find it. It’s none of her business, and she never needs to know how little you spent on her ring.
Good luck.
As I said, I'm not a professional diamond consultant, but I'm happy to answer any questions you might have. Just e-mail me at chrisplu@hotmail.com.
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List of Some Internet Diamond Dealers
http://www.johnrist.com
http://www.bluenile.com
http://drostes.com
http://www.diamonds.com
http://www.usacerteddiamonds.com
http://www.dirtcheapdiamonds.com
http://www.diamondbrokersoffl.com/
http://www.midwestgems.com/
http://www.overnightdiamonds.com/
A good general website with helpful information about many dealers: http://www.diamondtalk.com |
bravenet.com